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This survey's been going around LJ a bit. Not sure if I really want to post it, but what the heck...
December 4th, 2005
hornyNovember 21st, 2005
Been real busy with writing papers, but just wanted to update my journal to let all my friends know what’s going on in my world. Nothing too terribly exciting or earth-shattering, but a little bit of bad news. For one, I just found out I’m going to get a new roommate after Thanksgiving. Me and my big mouth. When Pam left last month, Student Housing sent me a notice saying that I’d be getting a new roommate, but I hadn’t heard anything, so I went down there to ask. Wouldn’t you know it? Turns out, they forgot and if I hadn’t said anything, I could have had a room all to myself for the rest of the year; but since I said something, they put my room on the top of the list now I get a notice that I’ve got a new roommate, Megan, moving in one week from today. Sigh. Why can’t I just keep my mouth shut?
The other bad news is that my grandma (my Dad’s Mom) is sick. She was going to come down from Atlanta to have Thanksgiving with the family at my Dad’s house, but now she’s not coming. It’s too bad; I like her. So I think now it’s just going to be six of us: me and Dad and my Aunt Lori and Uncle Bill and my cousins Sarah and Randall. I remember when I was young we used to have these really big Thanksgivings: like 20 or 30 people each year. The older I get, the more fun goes out of the holiday.
Well, one good thing to report tonight. It looks like the Film Club’s actually gonna be starting up in January. There’s a half-dozen of us who are interested and Dr. Henderson’s gonna help as our faculty advisor. Our first movie’s gonna be “Amelie.” I hope we get a lot of people to come.
Gotta go. Need to finish up one last paper for American Lit. After I turn that in Wednesday morning, I’m all done. Then I can head home for Thanksgiving.
The other bad news is that my grandma (my Dad’s Mom) is sick. She was going to come down from Atlanta to have Thanksgiving with the family at my Dad’s house, but now she’s not coming. It’s too bad; I like her. So I think now it’s just going to be six of us: me and Dad and my Aunt Lori and Uncle Bill and my cousins Sarah and Randall. I remember when I was young we used to have these really big Thanksgivings: like 20 or 30 people each year. The older I get, the more fun goes out of the holiday.
Well, one good thing to report tonight. It looks like the Film Club’s actually gonna be starting up in January. There’s a half-dozen of us who are interested and Dr. Henderson’s gonna help as our faculty advisor. Our first movie’s gonna be “Amelie.” I hope we get a lot of people to come.
Gotta go. Need to finish up one last paper for American Lit. After I turn that in Wednesday morning, I’m all done. Then I can head home for Thanksgiving.
stressedNovember 16th, 2005
Before I write about how I celebrated my birthday last weekend, first I have to fulfill a promise to a friend and post pictures of me and my friends in our Halloween costumes. My friend Sandy took these, except the one of her. I think maybe Heather took it, but not sure; maybe it was Carol. Anyway, this is Heather as a cat, Carol as the football player, Sandy as the witch, and me as the princess. This is my first time posting photos so I hope I’m doing it right.
Okay, so my birthday was last Friday. Wow, can’t believe I’m 20. I had classes in the morning—yuk! I hate having to go to class on my birthday—in the afternoon I hung out with Heather and Carol. I had kind of wanted to go swimming, but it’s just getting too cool now, so we just sat by the pool and talked. After dinner, we hooked up with Sandy and then drove out to UCF to meet my friend Carrie. Carrie gave me my first gift—a copy of Green Day’s “Insomniac.” Carrie knows I like Green Day but I don’t have that CD. I think it was like the second or third one they put out. I’ve been enjoying listening to it over the last few days.
Anyway, the five of us crowded into Sandy’s car and went to this club in downtown Orlando. It was called The Social. There was a cool band playing but I don’t remember their name. We had fun. I did a lot of dancing. At one point toward the end of the evening, Carrie took me by the hand, led me into the bathroom, and gave me her other birthday present. She locked the door, pulled down my pants, and licked me like crazy between my legs. It was really great. It had been so long since Carrie and I had done anything like that, I’d almost forgotten how much I love it and it makes me miss her and be sorry that we’re not going to the same school.
The next day I went back home because my parents wanted to spend some of my birthday with me, even though it was a day late. I spent most of Saturday with my Mom. Quite frankly, it wasn’t terribly fun. Although she did made me spaghetti and meatballs which is my favorite dinner. But her gift to me was a $35 gift certificate to Barnes and Noble. Yuk! Like the last thing I want right now is more books. I’m supposed to be reading far too many as it is, for my classes. (And I don’t even read all of them—shhhh, don’t tell anyone.) My Mom just doesn’t understand me. I don’t think she ever has. Oh, and we got into this fight, too. What a way to celebrate a birthday, huh? Mom was trying to convince me that I should change my major to something really stupid like pre-law or accounting or business or pre-med or something. Yuk! When I told her that if I was to change it to anything else, it would be theater, she said that was even worse than English. God, I’m getting all tense now just remembering this. Sometimes I just want to haul off and hit her. I can certainly understand why Dad left her. She drove him to it, you know.
Okay, there’s no point in getting into that now. Maybe someday I’ll write about my parents’ divorce, but today I want to write about my birthday.
So in the evening, after dinner, I left Mom and went over to Daddy’s house. It’s always a much better place to be. And my mood changed instantly. Daddy had some really nice gifts for me. First was some beautiful jewelry. There were these silver earrings with big hoops and dangling chains which I just loved. And also a golden necklace with a pearl pendant. I don’t think it really goes with the earrings, but very nice nonetheless. (I just probably won’t wear them at the same time.) Dad took a picture of me wearing them, and here it is:
Also, Daddy gave me this sexy set of underwear—matching blue bra and thong panty, kind of lacy, like he knows I like. So I had a very nice night with him. In the morning he made me eggs and waffles. Daddy’s really good at making waffles. It was a great breakfast. In the afternoon I headed back to campus and that was the end of my great birthday weekend. Now back to work. Got several papers due this week. Yuk!
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P.S. Thanks to Jbear for giving me the space and showing me how to upload the pics.
Okay, so my birthday was last Friday. Wow, can’t believe I’m 20. I had classes in the morning—yuk! I hate having to go to class on my birthday—in the afternoon I hung out with Heather and Carol. I had kind of wanted to go swimming, but it’s just getting too cool now, so we just sat by the pool and talked. After dinner, we hooked up with Sandy and then drove out to UCF to meet my friend Carrie. Carrie gave me my first gift—a copy of Green Day’s “Insomniac.” Carrie knows I like Green Day but I don’t have that CD. I think it was like the second or third one they put out. I’ve been enjoying listening to it over the last few days.
Anyway, the five of us crowded into Sandy’s car and went to this club in downtown Orlando. It was called The Social. There was a cool band playing but I don’t remember their name. We had fun. I did a lot of dancing. At one point toward the end of the evening, Carrie took me by the hand, led me into the bathroom, and gave me her other birthday present. She locked the door, pulled down my pants, and licked me like crazy between my legs. It was really great. It had been so long since Carrie and I had done anything like that, I’d almost forgotten how much I love it and it makes me miss her and be sorry that we’re not going to the same school.
The next day I went back home because my parents wanted to spend some of my birthday with me, even though it was a day late. I spent most of Saturday with my Mom. Quite frankly, it wasn’t terribly fun. Although she did made me spaghetti and meatballs which is my favorite dinner. But her gift to me was a $35 gift certificate to Barnes and Noble. Yuk! Like the last thing I want right now is more books. I’m supposed to be reading far too many as it is, for my classes. (And I don’t even read all of them—shhhh, don’t tell anyone.) My Mom just doesn’t understand me. I don’t think she ever has. Oh, and we got into this fight, too. What a way to celebrate a birthday, huh? Mom was trying to convince me that I should change my major to something really stupid like pre-law or accounting or business or pre-med or something. Yuk! When I told her that if I was to change it to anything else, it would be theater, she said that was even worse than English. God, I’m getting all tense now just remembering this. Sometimes I just want to haul off and hit her. I can certainly understand why Dad left her. She drove him to it, you know.
Okay, there’s no point in getting into that now. Maybe someday I’ll write about my parents’ divorce, but today I want to write about my birthday.
So in the evening, after dinner, I left Mom and went over to Daddy’s house. It’s always a much better place to be. And my mood changed instantly. Daddy had some really nice gifts for me. First was some beautiful jewelry. There were these silver earrings with big hoops and dangling chains which I just loved. And also a golden necklace with a pearl pendant. I don’t think it really goes with the earrings, but very nice nonetheless. (I just probably won’t wear them at the same time.) Dad took a picture of me wearing them, and here it is:
Also, Daddy gave me this sexy set of underwear—matching blue bra and thong panty, kind of lacy, like he knows I like. So I had a very nice night with him. In the morning he made me eggs and waffles. Daddy’s really good at making waffles. It was a great breakfast. In the afternoon I headed back to campus and that was the end of my great birthday weekend. Now back to work. Got several papers due this week. Yuk!
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P.S. Thanks to Jbear for giving me the space and showing me how to upload the pics.
happyNovember 11th, 2005
| Your Birthdate: November 11 |
 Spiritual and thoughtful, you tend to take a step back from the world. You're very sensitive to what's going on around you, yet you remain calm. Although you are brilliant, it may take you a while to find your niche. Your creativity is supreme, but it sometimes makes it hard for you to get things done. Your strength: Your inner peace Your weakness: You get stuck in the clouds Your power color: Emerald Your power symbol: Leaf Your power month: November |
Special thanks to Jbear!
ecstaticNovember 7th, 2005
You won’t believe what happened. There’s no way to preface this, so I’m just going to come out and say it. Last night, as I was just finishing studying and about to go to bed, there was a knock on my door. It was Pam. I hadn’t seen her since that Halloween party. She asked if she could come in and I said yea. She was wearing this tight black top and a bright pink miniskirt—she looked quite attractive in it. She started saying that she was so sorry for the way she treated me and that she was wrong and she missed me so much. She started going on and on about how nice I had been and she just really wants me. I was thinking about all those things that my friends here on LJ have told me about her, but you know what, at that moment, none of it mattered. All I could think about was the good times we shared and how much I wanted them again. So I put my arms around her and hugged her. She kissed me and I kissed her back. And in seconds, it was like none of the unpleasantness of the last three weeks had ever happened. I got so excited to be with her. We were kissing and licking and shirts started flying off. It was so great. We spent the night in bed together and I was so happy. And I thought she was too.
Until this morning when we woke up. It was just like that other time, only worse. She’s hitting me with the pillow and screaming at me and calling me all kinds of names. I didn’t get all of them, but she said I was Satan and the devil and the snake that tempted Eve. She said I had used magic to lure her back and seduce her and that I was pure evil and she was this innocent Christian and I didn’t know how to respond because the whole thing seemed so ludicrous and I was completely unexpecting it, since last night was so full of love and lust and positive feelings.
In the end, I just shouted at her to get out and she did. Finally alone, I was so upset I just started crying. I couldn’t believe what had happened. I had let myself get lured back into this unhealthy relationship, let down my guard, and set myself up for such a letdown. Damn. I couldn’t go to class I was so upset.
Why does it seem all my relationships get so fucked up? You know, I don’t think I’ve had a healthy relationship with anyone I’ve had sex with. Even Carrie. Now, we were best friends for such a long time, but now it’s like we hardly ever see each other. We hung out a lot last summer, but since school started, you know, we’ve only seen each other three times. She’s got all her UCF friends and I’ve got all my Rollins friends. And we talk on the phone like less than once a week now. (When we were 15, we talked for like three hours every day.) And in all this, I haven’t been able to tell her about all the shit with Pam. I can’t tell my “best friend” but I tell all these strangers on LJ. How fucked up is that?
Will I ever have a normal relationship? Sandy and Carol both have long term boyfriends. Why can’t I? I don’t even know if I want that. For some reason, a long term exclusive relationship with a boy my age just doesn’t turn me on. Instead, I’m either attracted to girls or jerks or older men. What’s wrong with me? And can it be fixed?
Until this morning when we woke up. It was just like that other time, only worse. She’s hitting me with the pillow and screaming at me and calling me all kinds of names. I didn’t get all of them, but she said I was Satan and the devil and the snake that tempted Eve. She said I had used magic to lure her back and seduce her and that I was pure evil and she was this innocent Christian and I didn’t know how to respond because the whole thing seemed so ludicrous and I was completely unexpecting it, since last night was so full of love and lust and positive feelings.
In the end, I just shouted at her to get out and she did. Finally alone, I was so upset I just started crying. I couldn’t believe what had happened. I had let myself get lured back into this unhealthy relationship, let down my guard, and set myself up for such a letdown. Damn. I couldn’t go to class I was so upset.
Why does it seem all my relationships get so fucked up? You know, I don’t think I’ve had a healthy relationship with anyone I’ve had sex with. Even Carrie. Now, we were best friends for such a long time, but now it’s like we hardly ever see each other. We hung out a lot last summer, but since school started, you know, we’ve only seen each other three times. She’s got all her UCF friends and I’ve got all my Rollins friends. And we talk on the phone like less than once a week now. (When we were 15, we talked for like three hours every day.) And in all this, I haven’t been able to tell her about all the shit with Pam. I can’t tell my “best friend” but I tell all these strangers on LJ. How fucked up is that?
Will I ever have a normal relationship? Sandy and Carol both have long term boyfriends. Why can’t I? I don’t even know if I want that. For some reason, a long term exclusive relationship with a boy my age just doesn’t turn me on. Instead, I’m either attracted to girls or jerks or older men. What’s wrong with me? And can it be fixed?
confusedNovember 3rd, 2005
Again I haven’t been updating my journal like I should. It’s been like two weeks since I wrote. Lots going on with midterms and papers and all that. Halloween parties have been fun. And I’m also involved with a couple of students who are trying to start up a film club, so I’ve been quite busy. But I really want to write more because I have so many friends on the internet.
I’d been thinking a lot about Pam. Lots of thoughts, lots of regrets. I won’t go into everything but the thing that really most bothered me, that I felt guilty about because it really was my fault, was when I broke her glass angel that night of the big fight. I decided to go down to the local Hallmark store at the mall and I bought an angel for her. It’s not exactly the same as the one she had, but it was similar. Actually, it was a little bigger, even.
So, this was about a week ago, I got up my nerve and I went over to her dorm. I knocked on her door and she answered it. She didn’t say anything. I just said what I had prepared to say: “I’m sorry I broke your angel and I want you to have this one.” She took it from me. Then she closed the door. And that was that. I felt so bad. I know I did the right thing as far as the angel went, but just seeing her at all gave me this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. I had enjoyed so much that time with her and hated so much our fight. I guess deep down I had kind of wanted to make up with her, had hoped she’d say thank you and invite me in and maybe we could kiss and make up and have sex and be best friends again. But I guess that was just a stupid fantasy. So instead I just walked back across campus to my dorm.
So that was that. But two days later was Halloween and that’s my favorite holiday so I got all busy preparing for that, and going to all the parties. I dressed up as a princess. Heather went as a cat, Carol went as a football player, and Sandy went as a witch. Every fraternity and sorority on campus gave a party at sometime over those three days. We got to most of them and I had a great time. Lots of wild dancing. I hooked up with this guy John who was dressed as the Pope and we went into someone’s room and fucked. Everything was going fine until Pam and some of her friends showed up at one of the parties. Believe it or not, Pam was dressed as an angel. I don’t know why, but all of a sudden there is all this religious symbolism in my life.
Anyway, when Sandy saw her, Sandy grabbed me and the others and said we’re leaving (she knows Pam and I weren’t getting along, although I never told her the real reason.) Just as well because there were two other parties that night we wanted to get to, but I felt awkward. So as we were walking to the door, we walked right passed Pam and her friends. And Pam said to me, “Hi.” I was kind of shocked that she actually said something to me. I didn’t say anything back.
So I haven’t seen her since Halloween. Anyway, that’s about it. This guy Zach just dropped by. He wants to talk about film club, so I’m just gonna post this entry and that’s it for now. I hope to write again soon.
I’d been thinking a lot about Pam. Lots of thoughts, lots of regrets. I won’t go into everything but the thing that really most bothered me, that I felt guilty about because it really was my fault, was when I broke her glass angel that night of the big fight. I decided to go down to the local Hallmark store at the mall and I bought an angel for her. It’s not exactly the same as the one she had, but it was similar. Actually, it was a little bigger, even.
So, this was about a week ago, I got up my nerve and I went over to her dorm. I knocked on her door and she answered it. She didn’t say anything. I just said what I had prepared to say: “I’m sorry I broke your angel and I want you to have this one.” She took it from me. Then she closed the door. And that was that. I felt so bad. I know I did the right thing as far as the angel went, but just seeing her at all gave me this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. I had enjoyed so much that time with her and hated so much our fight. I guess deep down I had kind of wanted to make up with her, had hoped she’d say thank you and invite me in and maybe we could kiss and make up and have sex and be best friends again. But I guess that was just a stupid fantasy. So instead I just walked back across campus to my dorm.
So that was that. But two days later was Halloween and that’s my favorite holiday so I got all busy preparing for that, and going to all the parties. I dressed up as a princess. Heather went as a cat, Carol went as a football player, and Sandy went as a witch. Every fraternity and sorority on campus gave a party at sometime over those three days. We got to most of them and I had a great time. Lots of wild dancing. I hooked up with this guy John who was dressed as the Pope and we went into someone’s room and fucked. Everything was going fine until Pam and some of her friends showed up at one of the parties. Believe it or not, Pam was dressed as an angel. I don’t know why, but all of a sudden there is all this religious symbolism in my life.
Anyway, when Sandy saw her, Sandy grabbed me and the others and said we’re leaving (she knows Pam and I weren’t getting along, although I never told her the real reason.) Just as well because there were two other parties that night we wanted to get to, but I felt awkward. So as we were walking to the door, we walked right passed Pam and her friends. And Pam said to me, “Hi.” I was kind of shocked that she actually said something to me. I didn’t say anything back.
So I haven’t seen her since Halloween. Anyway, that’s about it. This guy Zach just dropped by. He wants to talk about film club, so I’m just gonna post this entry and that’s it for now. I hope to write again soon.
hopefulOctober 22nd, 2005
I just want to thank all of my friends for your support. I appreciate your comments and good thoughts. I know I’m better off without Pam but I’m just really bothered by the whole thing.
I saw her yesterday. Not to talk to. I was having lunch in the cafeteria and on my way out I saw her sitting at a table with a bunch of her friends. Brian was one of them. She saw me. I stopped and froze. She stopped too. She looked at me. I looked at her. I got a sick feeling in the bottom of my stomach. We must have stared at each other for about 10 seconds, I guess. Then she went back to her conversation with her friends as if I wasn’t there. They seemed to take no notice of me or her looking at me. I wonder if she told them anything. Of course, I couldn’t care less of what they think of me. They’re all just a bunch of Bible-thumpers. Who cares?
Anyway, I’m going out tonight to party. Going with my friends Heather, Carol, and Sandy. There’s a bunch of parties on campus tonight. Some of the fraternities giving Halloween parties. I’m gonna get drunk and forget about everything.
I saw her yesterday. Not to talk to. I was having lunch in the cafeteria and on my way out I saw her sitting at a table with a bunch of her friends. Brian was one of them. She saw me. I stopped and froze. She stopped too. She looked at me. I looked at her. I got a sick feeling in the bottom of my stomach. We must have stared at each other for about 10 seconds, I guess. Then she went back to her conversation with her friends as if I wasn’t there. They seemed to take no notice of me or her looking at me. I wonder if she told them anything. Of course, I couldn’t care less of what they think of me. They’re all just a bunch of Bible-thumpers. Who cares?
Anyway, I’m going out tonight to party. Going with my friends Heather, Carol, and Sandy. There’s a bunch of parties on campus tonight. Some of the fraternities giving Halloween parties. I’m gonna get drunk and forget about everything.
determinedOctober 19th, 2005
Wow, it’s been two weeks since I wrote. Seems like a lifetime ago. I can’t believe how hard it is to find time to write in this. So much has happened and so many things have been going on, but I know all of you have been wanting to hear the rest of what happened with Pam, so I’ll try to write about that. I wish I had time to write all the details but I need to get some studying done tonight before I go to bed because I have a test tomorrow in Modern Poetry. So I’m going to rush through writing this so you will all stop bugging me to find out what happened.
I last wrote about me catching Pam having sex with this guy Brian and she denied the whole thing even though it was bloody obvious. Well, two days later, after pretending the whole thing never happened, Pam suddenly burst into tears one night when we were both sitting in the room and studying. I asked her what was wrong and she said she was going to hell. I said, “That’s crazy. What makes you think that?” And she said it was because she had sex with Brian and they weren’t married. I told her if people went to hell just because they had sex with someone they weren’t married to, the whole planet would go to hell, but that didn’t seem to calm her down.
I sat next to her on the bed and put my arm around her and tried to make her feel better. She starts telling me that she can’t help it because she gets so horny all the time and everything is like one big temptation to her. I tell her that’s okay, the world is supposed to be enjoyed and she’s like it’s a sin and she’s a sinner and all this religious stuff. All the while I’m thinking I’d like to sin with her, but I’m not saying that of course.
Then she started calling me a sinner and saying my body was a mass of lust, or some such words to that effect; I don’t remember exactly. And I wasn’t sure if I was being insulted or being come on to, so I just said what the hell and I kissed her.
She stopped dead. Froze for like 10 seconds, just staring at me, right in my face. And then she kissed me back. And we just made out. We must have made out for like 10 minutes. I was thinking this was so great. Then I pulled off my t-shirt and I pulled off hers. I unbuttoned my jeans and took them off and she let me unbutton her jeans. And we were just in our underwear and we were kissing and rolling around on her bed.
Then she grabbed me and squeezed me real tight and started moaning. She reached around and undid my bra and started sucking my tits. It felt so great. She sucked so hard. Then I undid her bra. And we both slid out of our panties. And we made mad passionate love for like the next hour. It was so great. She was moaning pretty loud at some points. And I was so happy.
But the next morning everything changed. We woke up in the same bed together and at first I had such a wonderful feeling but once Pam was fully awake she was all mad at me and started hitting me with the pillow and calling me names and saying I had led her to do something she didn’t want to do. She accused me of raping her. I don’t know what the bitch’s problem was but she was definitely off her rocker. Like something had snapped. I assure you, what we did was completely consensual. Pam is just really weird.
Anyway, after our brief fight that morning before class, I didn’t see her all day. Odd, because she’s usually in at least some of the time. But she just stayed away. And she didn’t come in at night, either. I later found out she spent the night with Brian, but I was really starting to worry about her. I was afraid maybe I did something wrong.
The next afternoon I saw her and she said she was so sorry for what she said to me and that she didn’t mean it and she really liked me. We kissed and hugged and the whole thing started all over again. We licked each other and had a grand old time.
Everything was cool for the next several days. On the weekend, Pam and I went out to a movie. We saw “Flightplan” and sat in the last row. During the whole film, we had our hands in each others panties; it was so good. Went back to the dorm and fucked like bunnies. Everything was going great.
Wednesday afternoon I left campus because it was a Jewish holiday and didn’t come back until late Thursday night. And that was when all hell broke loose. Pam told me that I was the devil and Satan and I had corrupted her soul and that the only hope she had left was to move out. I told her she was crazy. We had a hell of a fight and we were both crying. But I couldn’t figure out what I had done wrong.
She called me “dyke” at one point and that was when I really got mad and I grabbed this little glass angel she had on her bedtable and I threw it at her. And it broke. She screamed and I just left. I spent the night sleeping on the floor of Heather and Carol’s room. I told them I had a fight with Pam but not what it was about. They don’t know I’m bi and it wasn’t the right time to bring it up.
Friday I went back home and spent a lousy weekend going back and forth between my Dad and my Mom. Not even my Dad could make me feel better. He usually can, but I was just so upset there was nothing he could do. At least he tried. My Mom just yelled at me and told me I was doing everything wrong. Sometimes I just wish she’d drop dead.
Anyway, when I got back to campus on Monday I found that Pam had moved out. I found out she’s in another dorm on the other side of campus. I haven’t talked to her since. I don’t think I want to. I’m so mad at her. I don’t know what her problem is, but I’m probably better off without her. The bitch is fucked up.
Look on the bright side—now I’ve got this big room all to myself. Of course I just got a notice from Student Life saying that they may soon move someone else in here, but for now I’ve got some peace and quiet.
Okay. I really need to go study now. Wish me good luck on my test tomorrow.
I last wrote about me catching Pam having sex with this guy Brian and she denied the whole thing even though it was bloody obvious. Well, two days later, after pretending the whole thing never happened, Pam suddenly burst into tears one night when we were both sitting in the room and studying. I asked her what was wrong and she said she was going to hell. I said, “That’s crazy. What makes you think that?” And she said it was because she had sex with Brian and they weren’t married. I told her if people went to hell just because they had sex with someone they weren’t married to, the whole planet would go to hell, but that didn’t seem to calm her down.
I sat next to her on the bed and put my arm around her and tried to make her feel better. She starts telling me that she can’t help it because she gets so horny all the time and everything is like one big temptation to her. I tell her that’s okay, the world is supposed to be enjoyed and she’s like it’s a sin and she’s a sinner and all this religious stuff. All the while I’m thinking I’d like to sin with her, but I’m not saying that of course.
Then she started calling me a sinner and saying my body was a mass of lust, or some such words to that effect; I don’t remember exactly. And I wasn’t sure if I was being insulted or being come on to, so I just said what the hell and I kissed her.
She stopped dead. Froze for like 10 seconds, just staring at me, right in my face. And then she kissed me back. And we just made out. We must have made out for like 10 minutes. I was thinking this was so great. Then I pulled off my t-shirt and I pulled off hers. I unbuttoned my jeans and took them off and she let me unbutton her jeans. And we were just in our underwear and we were kissing and rolling around on her bed.
Then she grabbed me and squeezed me real tight and started moaning. She reached around and undid my bra and started sucking my tits. It felt so great. She sucked so hard. Then I undid her bra. And we both slid out of our panties. And we made mad passionate love for like the next hour. It was so great. She was moaning pretty loud at some points. And I was so happy.
But the next morning everything changed. We woke up in the same bed together and at first I had such a wonderful feeling but once Pam was fully awake she was all mad at me and started hitting me with the pillow and calling me names and saying I had led her to do something she didn’t want to do. She accused me of raping her. I don’t know what the bitch’s problem was but she was definitely off her rocker. Like something had snapped. I assure you, what we did was completely consensual. Pam is just really weird.
Anyway, after our brief fight that morning before class, I didn’t see her all day. Odd, because she’s usually in at least some of the time. But she just stayed away. And she didn’t come in at night, either. I later found out she spent the night with Brian, but I was really starting to worry about her. I was afraid maybe I did something wrong.
The next afternoon I saw her and she said she was so sorry for what she said to me and that she didn’t mean it and she really liked me. We kissed and hugged and the whole thing started all over again. We licked each other and had a grand old time.
Everything was cool for the next several days. On the weekend, Pam and I went out to a movie. We saw “Flightplan” and sat in the last row. During the whole film, we had our hands in each others panties; it was so good. Went back to the dorm and fucked like bunnies. Everything was going great.
Wednesday afternoon I left campus because it was a Jewish holiday and didn’t come back until late Thursday night. And that was when all hell broke loose. Pam told me that I was the devil and Satan and I had corrupted her soul and that the only hope she had left was to move out. I told her she was crazy. We had a hell of a fight and we were both crying. But I couldn’t figure out what I had done wrong.
She called me “dyke” at one point and that was when I really got mad and I grabbed this little glass angel she had on her bedtable and I threw it at her. And it broke. She screamed and I just left. I spent the night sleeping on the floor of Heather and Carol’s room. I told them I had a fight with Pam but not what it was about. They don’t know I’m bi and it wasn’t the right time to bring it up.
Friday I went back home and spent a lousy weekend going back and forth between my Dad and my Mom. Not even my Dad could make me feel better. He usually can, but I was just so upset there was nothing he could do. At least he tried. My Mom just yelled at me and told me I was doing everything wrong. Sometimes I just wish she’d drop dead.
Anyway, when I got back to campus on Monday I found that Pam had moved out. I found out she’s in another dorm on the other side of campus. I haven’t talked to her since. I don’t think I want to. I’m so mad at her. I don’t know what her problem is, but I’m probably better off without her. The bitch is fucked up.
Look on the bright side—now I’ve got this big room all to myself. Of course I just got a notice from Student Life saying that they may soon move someone else in here, but for now I’ve got some peace and quiet.
Okay. I really need to go study now. Wish me good luck on my test tomorrow.
angry