Denise's Secret Diary

dirty survey

Sun, 04 Dec 2005 21:28:57 GMT

This survey's been going around LJ a bit. Not sure if I really want to post it, but what the heck...

*The Dirty Questionnaire*
*Made By: Dirty Valentine*
First Off: How old are you?	20
Your Sexuality: Straight? Bi? Gay/Les? Kinky?	bi, and yes i can be a little kinky
At what age did you loose your virginity?	14
Where you impressed or did they fall flat?	it was great
Do you enjoy GIVING oral sex?	yes
Do you enjoy RECEIVING oral sex?	omg yes
Anal sex: Yay or Nah?	yay
Part of a woman/man you enjoy looking at the most?	the crotch
Part of a woman/man you enjoy touching at the most?	the same
Part of a woman/man you enjoy tasting in the most?	the same
Part of a woman/man you enjoy being in the most?	mouth - where else could i really get in?
Do you enjoy sex toys?	yea
If YES, How many do you own?	um, actually, dont own any, but use a lot of improvised ones
Do you enjoy sexual role play?	yea
If YES, What is your favorite role playing scene?	student/teacher
What is the kinkiest thing you have fanasized about?	getting fucked while all my friends watch
What is the kinkiest thing YOUR PARTNER wanted you to do?	have her dog lick me
What is the kinkiest thing you have ever done? (if not the same)	um, not sure i'm ready to admit that yet to all my LJ friends
What is the LAST name of the FIRST person you kissed?	Battler
What is the FIRST name of THIRD person you slept with?	Carrie
How do you feel about casual sex?	feels good - lol
Have you ever had a one night stand?	yes
Ever persued someone w/ the SOLE purpose of getting them in bed then never contacted them again?	no
Ever had someone pursue YOU then never contacted you again? (hurts, don't in?)	yes
Ever faked an orgams?	yea
Has a partner ever faked an orgasm?	i dont think so
Are you multi-orgasmic (if so, what's you #? JK!)	3
OK, this one if for you. Tell me something reeeeaally nasty about you!	in high school, i fucked one of my teachers in the back seat of his car
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Quick Update

Tue, 22 Nov 2005 04:53:47 GMT

Been real busy with writing papers, but just wanted to update my journal to let all my friends know what’s going on in my world. Nothing too terribly exciting or earth-shattering, but a little bit of bad news. For one, I just found out I’m going to get a new roommate after Thanksgiving. Me and my big mouth. When Pam left last month, Student Housing sent me a notice saying that I’d be getting a new roommate, but I hadn’t heard anything, so I went down there to ask. Wouldn’t you know it? Turns out, they forgot and if I hadn’t said anything, I could have had a room all to myself for the rest of the year; but since I said something, they put my room on the top of the list now I get a notice that I’ve got a new roommate, Megan, moving in one week from today. Sigh. Why can’t I just keep my mouth shut?

The other bad news is that my grandma (my Dad’s Mom) is sick. She was going to come down from Atlanta to have Thanksgiving with the family at my Dad’s house, but now she’s not coming. It’s too bad; I like her. So I think now it’s just going to be six of us: me and Dad and my Aunt Lori and Uncle Bill and my cousins Sarah and Randall. I remember when I was young we used to have these really big Thanksgivings: like 20 or 30 people each year. The older I get, the more fun goes out of the holiday.

Well, one good thing to report tonight. It looks like the Film Club’s actually gonna be starting up in January. There’s a half-dozen of us who are interested and Dr. Henderson’s gonna help as our faculty advisor. Our first movie’s gonna be “Amelie.” I hope we get a lot of people to come.

Gotta go. Need to finish up one last paper for American Lit. After I turn that in Wednesday morning, I’m all done. Then I can head home for Thanksgiving.

My Birthday Celebration

Wed, 16 Nov 2005 23:07:15 GMT

Before I write about how I celebrated my birthday last weekend, first I have to fulfill a promise to a friend and post pictures of me and my friends in our Halloween costumes. My friend Sandy took these, except the one of her. I think maybe Heather took it, but not sure; maybe it was Carol. Anyway, this is Heather as a cat, Carol as the football player, Sandy as the witch, and me as the princess. This is my first time posting photos so I hope I’m doing it right.

Okay, so my birthday was last Friday. Wow, can’t believe I’m 20. I had classes in the morning—yuk! I hate having to go to class on my birthday—in the afternoon I hung out with Heather and Carol. I had kind of wanted to go swimming, but it’s just getting too cool now, so we just sat by the pool and talked. After dinner, we hooked up with Sandy and then drove out to UCF to meet my friend Carrie. Carrie gave me my first gift—a copy of Green Day’s “Insomniac.” Carrie knows I like Green Day but I don’t have that CD. I think it was like the second or third one they put out. I’ve been enjoying listening to it over the last few days.

Anyway, the five of us crowded into Sandy’s car and went to this club in downtown Orlando. It was called The Social. There was a cool band playing but I don’t remember their name. We had fun. I did a lot of dancing. At one point toward the end of the evening, Carrie took me by the hand, led me into the bathroom, and gave me her other birthday present. She locked the door, pulled down my pants, and licked me like crazy between my legs. It was really great. It had been so long since Carrie and I had done anything like that, I’d almost forgotten how much I love it and it makes me miss her and be sorry that we’re not going to the same school.

The next day I went back home because my parents wanted to spend some of my birthday with me, even though it was a day late. I spent most of Saturday with my Mom. Quite frankly, it wasn’t terribly fun. Although she did made me spaghetti and meatballs which is my favorite dinner. But her gift to me was a $35 gift certificate to Barnes and Noble. Yuk! Like the last thing I want right now is more books. I’m supposed to be reading far too many as it is, for my classes. (And I don’t even read all of them—shhhh, don’t tell anyone.) My Mom just doesn’t understand me. I don’t think she ever has. Oh, and we got into this fight, too. What a way to celebrate a birthday, huh? Mom was trying to convince me that I should change my major to something really stupid like pre-law or accounting or business or pre-med or something. Yuk! When I told her that if I was to change it to anything else, it would be theater, she said that was even worse than English. God, I’m getting all tense now just remembering this. Sometimes I just want to haul off and hit her. I can certainly understand why Dad left her. She drove him to it, you know.

Okay, there’s no point in getting into that now. Maybe someday I’ll write about my parents’ divorce, but today I want to write about my birthday.

So in the evening, after dinner, I left Mom and went over to Daddy’s house. It’s always a much better place to be. And my mood changed instantly. Daddy had some really nice gifts for me. First was some beautiful jewelry. There were these silver earrings with big hoops and dangling chains which I just loved. And also a golden necklace with a pearl pendant. I don’t think it really goes with the earrings, but very nice nonetheless. (I just probably won’t wear them at the same time.) Dad took a picture of me wearing them, and here it is:

Also, Daddy gave me this sexy set of underwear—matching blue bra and thong panty, kind of lacy, like he knows I like. So I had a very nice night with him. In the morning he made me eggs and waffles. Daddy’s really good at making waffles. It was a great breakfast. In the afternoon I headed back to campus and that was the end of my great birthday weekend. Now back to work. Got several papers due this week. Yuk!

* *

P.S. Thanks to Jbear for giving me the space and showing me how to upload the pics.

Happy Birthday

Fri, 11 Nov 2005 04:26:55 GMT

Your Birthdate: November 11

Spiritual and thoughtful, you tend to take a step back from the world.
You're very sensitive to what's going on around you, yet you remain calm.
Although you are brilliant, it may take you a while to find your niche.
Your creativity is supreme, but it sometimes makes it hard for you to get things done.

Your strength: Your inner peace

Your weakness: You get stuck in the clouds

Your power color: Emerald

Your power symbol: Leaf

Your power month: November

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Special thanks to Jbear!

About Last Night

Thu, 10 Nov 2005 02:36:21 GMT

You won’t believe what happened. There’s no way to preface this, so I’m just going to come out and say it. Last night, as I was just finishing studying and about to go to bed, there was a knock on my door. It was Pam. I hadn’t seen her since that Halloween party. She asked if she could come in and I said yea. She was wearing this tight black top and a bright pink miniskirt—she looked quite attractive in it. She started saying that she was so sorry for the way she treated me and that she was wrong and she missed me so much. She started going on and on about how nice I had been and she just really wants me. I was thinking about all those things that my friends here on LJ have told me about her, but you know what, at that moment, none of it mattered. All I could think about was the good times we shared and how much I wanted them again. So I put my arms around her and hugged her. She kissed me and I kissed her back. And in seconds, it was like none of the unpleasantness of the last three weeks had ever happened. I got so excited to be with her. We were kissing and licking and shirts started flying off. It was so great. We spent the night in bed together and I was so happy. And I thought she was too.

Until this morning when we woke up. It was just like that other time, only worse. She’s hitting me with the pillow and screaming at me and calling me all kinds of names. I didn’t get all of them, but she said I was Satan and the devil and the snake that tempted Eve. She said I had used magic to lure her back and seduce her and that I was pure evil and she was this innocent Christian and I didn’t know how to respond because the whole thing seemed so ludicrous and I was completely unexpecting it, since last night was so full of love and lust and positive feelings.

In the end, I just shouted at her to get out and she did. Finally alone, I was so upset I just started crying. I couldn’t believe what had happened. I had let myself get lured back into this unhealthy relationship, let down my guard, and set myself up for such a letdown. Damn. I couldn’t go to class I was so upset.

Why does it seem all my relationships get so fucked up? You know, I don’t think I’ve had a healthy relationship with anyone I’ve had sex with. Even Carrie. Now, we were best friends for such a long time, but now it’s like we hardly ever see each other. We hung out a lot last summer, but since school started, you know, we’ve only seen each other three times. She’s got all her UCF friends and I’ve got all my Rollins friends. And we talk on the phone like less than once a week now. (When we were 15, we talked for like three hours every day.) And in all this, I haven’t been able to tell her about all the shit with Pam. I can’t tell my “best friend” but I tell all these strangers on LJ. How fucked up is that?

Will I ever have a normal relationship? Sandy and Carol both have long term boyfriends. Why can’t I? I don’t even know if I want that. For some reason, a long term exclusive relationship with a boy my age just doesn’t turn me on. Instead, I’m either attracted to girls or jerks or older men. What’s wrong with me? And can it be fixed?

Pam Is an Angel

Thu, 10 Nov 2005 02:34:08 GMT

Again I haven’t been updating my journal like I should. It’s been like two weeks since I wrote. Lots going on with midterms and papers and all that. Halloween parties have been fun. And I’m also involved with a couple of students who are trying to start up a film club, so I’ve been quite busy. But I really want to write more because I have so many friends on the internet.

I’d been thinking a lot about Pam. Lots of thoughts, lots of regrets. I won’t go into everything but the thing that really most bothered me, that I felt guilty about because it really was my fault, was when I broke her glass angel that night of the big fight. I decided to go down to the local Hallmark store at the mall and I bought an angel for her. It’s not exactly the same as the one she had, but it was similar. Actually, it was a little bigger, even.

So, this was about a week ago, I got up my nerve and I went over to her dorm. I knocked on her door and she answered it. She didn’t say anything. I just said what I had prepared to say: “I’m sorry I broke your angel and I want you to have this one.” She took it from me. Then she closed the door. And that was that. I felt so bad. I know I did the right thing as far as the angel went, but just seeing her at all gave me this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. I had enjoyed so much that time with her and hated so much our fight. I guess deep down I had kind of wanted to make up with her, had hoped she’d say thank you and invite me in and maybe we could kiss and make up and have sex and be best friends again. But I guess that was just a stupid fantasy. So instead I just walked back across campus to my dorm.

So that was that. But two days later was Halloween and that’s my favorite holiday so I got all busy preparing for that, and going to all the parties. I dressed up as a princess. Heather went as a cat, Carol went as a football player, and Sandy went as a witch. Every fraternity and sorority on campus gave a party at sometime over those three days. We got to most of them and I had a great time. Lots of wild dancing. I hooked up with this guy John who was dressed as the Pope and we went into someone’s room and fucked. Everything was going fine until Pam and some of her friends showed up at one of the parties. Believe it or not, Pam was dressed as an angel. I don’t know why, but all of a sudden there is all this religious symbolism in my life.

Anyway, when Sandy saw her, Sandy grabbed me and the others and said we’re leaving (she knows Pam and I weren’t getting along, although I never told her the real reason.) Just as well because there were two other parties that night we wanted to get to, but I felt awkward. So as we were walking to the door, we walked right passed Pam and her friends. And Pam said to me, “Hi.” I was kind of shocked that she actually said something to me. I didn’t say anything back.

So I haven’t seen her since Halloween. Anyway, that’s about it. This guy Zach just dropped by. He wants to talk about film club, so I’m just gonna post this entry and that’s it for now. I hope to write again soon.

Interesting Survey

Sat, 22 Oct 2005 21:54:11 GMT

*Mega Survey #38*
What is your first name?	Denise
What is your middle name?	Patricia
What time did you get up this morning?	9:30am (hey, its the weekend)
What did you have for breakfast?	scrambled eggs, sausage, toast, juice
What is your favorite cuisine?	Italian
What is your favorite chip?	Doritos
What is your favorite sandwich?	turkey with swiss on a croissant
What is your favorite flavor of ice cream?	mocha chip
What is your favorite book?	In Country by Bobbie Ann Mason
What is your favorite movie?	But I'm a Cheerleader
What is your favorite TV show?	Project Greenlight
What is your favorite channel?	MTV or Bravo
What is your favorite article of clothing?	my red thong
What is your favorite CD?	American Idiot by Green Day
What is your favorite time of day?	night
Where would you like to retire?	IDK - that's a long time away
What country would you like to visit?	Thailand
If you could live in a time other than the present age, when would it be?	the time of King Arthur
What occupation, other than your own, would you like to try?	filmmaker
What occupation would you never like to try?	policewoman
What's your favorite sport to watch?	football
What's your favorite sport to play?	cheerleading
Do you like to dance?	yes
Should gays be allowed to marry?	yes
What party did you vote for in the last election?	democrat
Do you support the US war in Iraq?	no
Do you favor a strong Euro?	what??????
How many languages do you speak?	one
What was the last movie you saw in the theater?	Flightplan
What was the last movie you rented and saw at home?	Dirty Dancing
What was your most memorable birthday?	When I was 10, we went to Disneyworld, and I got to sit on Cindarella's lap for the parade
What was the happiest day of your life?	the day my Daddy took me swimming at Wekiva Springs and then we did something special in the evening
What was the saddest?	the day Charlie was killed.
Chicken or beef?	Beef
Boxers or briefs?	briefs -- mmmmmm, yummy!
Bikinis or thongs?	thongs
If you could sleep with one famous person, who would it be?	Michael Douglas
If you could sleep with one person who you know who you have never slept with before, who would it be?	Sandy
What was the name of your elementary school?	Ponce DeLeon Elementary
Who was your best friend when you were 10 years old?	Kayla
Who is your best friend today?	Carrie
Name all the towns you have lived in.	Atlanta, GA, DeLand, FL, Winter Park, FL
Who was your closest friend or relative who died?	my brother Charlie
What is your favorite word?	sex
What is your least favorite word?	dyke
What sound do you love?	crickets chirping
What sound do you hate?	leaf blowers
What is your favorite holiday?	Halloween!!!!
If you were shipwrecked on an island, what is the one thing you would want to have with you?	computer
Do you think the world is reality or an illusion?	duh ... reality
If you were told you had one week to live, what would you do with that week?	spend it with with my Daddy
If you won a million dollars, what would you do with it?	buy a million dollar house with lots of land
Of all the things you've done, what are you most proud of?	getting into college
What is your favorite place to vacation?	Hollywood!
How often do you shave?	every 4 or 5 days
How often do you write in your blog?	not as often as I'd like
Orlando or Las Vegas?	Orlando
Britney or Madonna?	Madonna
Justin Timberlake or George Clooney?	George
President Bush or President Bartlett?	President Bartlett
Would you rather go to a NASCAR race or a classical symphony?	hmmm... I guess NASCAR
What do you do when a homeless person asks you for money?	er, I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I usually ignore him
What did you have for dinner last night?	spaghetti and meatballs
Who is your favorite Harry Potter character?	Ron
Who is your favorite Star Wars character?	Han Solo
What characteristic do you lack but wish you had?	more optimism
Do you believe in God?	yea, I guess
Do you think the theory of Intelligent Design should be taught in schools?	no
Do you go to a church or synagogue regularly?	no
How old were you when you lost your virginity?	14
How many boyfriends or girlfriends have you had?	6
How many people have you slept with?	12
Have you ever been pregnant or gotten someone pregnant?	no
What is the most number of drinks you had at a single time?	5
Have you ever cheated on a boyfriend or girlfriend?	yes
Have you ever been cheated on?	yes
What was the most embarrassing "Truth or Dare" you ever got?	dared to masturbate in front of everyone
Do you have any unique talents?	no
What is your favorite curse word?	fuck
Who was your favorite teacher?	Mr. Bonajowski
Who was your worst teacher?	Mrs. Schwartz
What is your favorite quote?	"Never tell people your problems. 80% of them don’t want to know and the other 20% are glad you have them"
Do you think the British monarchy should be abolished?	no idea
Where were you on the morning of 9/11/01?	I'll never forget. I was in school. They made an announcement over the loudspeaker. We all went into the auditorium to watch a big TV. Then they sent us home.
Do you think the government did the best they could to respond to Hurricane Katrina?	no
If there is a heaven, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive?	Come on it, you deserve it.
Do you like filling out surveys?	lol - yea, this one was fun
*Thank you for taking the time to respond to this survey!*
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A Brief Awkward Moment

Sat, 22 Oct 2005 20:44:17 GMT

I just want to thank all of my friends for your support. I appreciate your comments and good thoughts. I know I’m better off without Pam but I’m just really bothered by the whole thing.

I saw her yesterday. Not to talk to. I was having lunch in the cafeteria and on my way out I saw her sitting at a table with a bunch of her friends. Brian was one of them. She saw me. I stopped and froze. She stopped too. She looked at me. I looked at her. I got a sick feeling in the bottom of my stomach. We must have stared at each other for about 10 seconds, I guess. Then she went back to her conversation with her friends as if I wasn’t there. They seemed to take no notice of me or her looking at me. I wonder if she told them anything. Of course, I couldn’t care less of what they think of me. They’re all just a bunch of Bible-thumpers. Who cares?

Anyway, I’m going out tonight to party. Going with my friends Heather, Carol, and Sandy. There’s a bunch of parties on campus tonight. Some of the fraternities giving Halloween parties. I’m gonna get drunk and forget about everything.

More About Pam

Thu, 20 Oct 2005 04:05:06 GMT

Wow, it’s been two weeks since I wrote. Seems like a lifetime ago. I can’t believe how hard it is to find time to write in this. So much has happened and so many things have been going on, but I know all of you have been wanting to hear the rest of what happened with Pam, so I’ll try to write about that. I wish I had time to write all the details but I need to get some studying done tonight before I go to bed because I have a test tomorrow in Modern Poetry. So I’m going to rush through writing this so you will all stop bugging me to find out what happened.

I last wrote about me catching Pam having sex with this guy Brian and she denied the whole thing even though it was bloody obvious. Well, two days later, after pretending the whole thing never happened, Pam suddenly burst into tears one night when we were both sitting in the room and studying. I asked her what was wrong and she said she was going to hell. I said, “That’s crazy. What makes you think that?” And she said it was because she had sex with Brian and they weren’t married. I told her if people went to hell just because they had sex with someone they weren’t married to, the whole planet would go to hell, but that didn’t seem to calm her down.

I sat next to her on the bed and put my arm around her and tried to make her feel better. She starts telling me that she can’t help it because she gets so horny all the time and everything is like one big temptation to her. I tell her that’s okay, the world is supposed to be enjoyed and she’s like it’s a sin and she’s a sinner and all this religious stuff. All the while I’m thinking I’d like to sin with her, but I’m not saying that of course.

Then she started calling me a sinner and saying my body was a mass of lust, or some such words to that effect; I don’t remember exactly. And I wasn’t sure if I was being insulted or being come on to, so I just said what the hell and I kissed her.

She stopped dead. Froze for like 10 seconds, just staring at me, right in my face. And then she kissed me back. And we just made out. We must have made out for like 10 minutes. I was thinking this was so great. Then I pulled off my t-shirt and I pulled off hers. I unbuttoned my jeans and took them off and she let me unbutton her jeans. And we were just in our underwear and we were kissing and rolling around on her bed.

Then she grabbed me and squeezed me real tight and started moaning. She reached around and undid my bra and started sucking my tits. It felt so great. She sucked so hard. Then I undid her bra. And we both slid out of our panties. And we made mad passionate love for like the next hour. It was so great. She was moaning pretty loud at some points. And I was so happy.

But the next morning everything changed. We woke up in the same bed together and at first I had such a wonderful feeling but once Pam was fully awake she was all mad at me and started hitting me with the pillow and calling me names and saying I had led her to do something she didn’t want to do. She accused me of raping her. I don’t know what the bitch’s problem was but she was definitely off her rocker. Like something had snapped. I assure you, what we did was completely consensual. Pam is just really weird.

Anyway, after our brief fight that morning before class, I didn’t see her all day. Odd, because she’s usually in at least some of the time. But she just stayed away. And she didn’t come in at night, either. I later found out she spent the night with Brian, but I was really starting to worry about her. I was afraid maybe I did something wrong.

The next afternoon I saw her and she said she was so sorry for what she said to me and that she didn’t mean it and she really liked me. We kissed and hugged and the whole thing started all over again. We licked each other and had a grand old time.

Everything was cool for the next several days. On the weekend, Pam and I went out to a movie. We saw “Flightplan” and sat in the last row. During the whole film, we had our hands in each others panties; it was so good. Went back to the dorm and fucked like bunnies. Everything was going great.

Wednesday afternoon I left campus because it was a Jewish holiday and didn’t come back until late Thursday night. And that was when all hell broke loose. Pam told me that I was the devil and Satan and I had corrupted her soul and that the only hope she had left was to move out. I told her she was crazy. We had a hell of a fight and we were both crying. But I couldn’t figure out what I had done wrong.

She called me “dyke” at one point and that was when I really got mad and I grabbed this little glass angel she had on her bedtable and I threw it at her. And it broke. She screamed and I just left. I spent the night sleeping on the floor of Heather and Carol’s room. I told them I had a fight with Pam but not what it was about. They don’t know I’m bi and it wasn’t the right time to bring it up.

Friday I went back home and spent a lousy weekend going back and forth between my Dad and my Mom. Not even my Dad could make me feel better. He usually can, but I was just so upset there was nothing he could do. At least he tried. My Mom just yelled at me and told me I was doing everything wrong. Sometimes I just wish she’d drop dead.

Anyway, when I got back to campus on Monday I found that Pam had moved out. I found out she’s in another dorm on the other side of campus. I haven’t talked to her since. I don’t think I want to. I’m so mad at her. I don’t know what her problem is, but I’m probably better off without her. The bitch is fucked up.

Look on the bright side—now I’ve got this big room all to myself. Of course I just got a notice from Student Life saying that they may soon move someone else in here, but for now I’ve got some peace and quiet.

Okay. I really need to go study now. Wish me good luck on my test tomorrow.

Results of a Quiz I Just Took -- Surprise, surprise!

Sat, 08 Oct 2005 17:21:30 GMT

<td align="center">You are 85% Bisexual

You are very bisexual. The choice between guys and girls is often agonizing for you because you really don’t have a preference. But you always double up your chances every night for getting laid.

Take this quiz at QuizUniverse.com</td>

The Beginning of the Pam Story

Thu, 06 Oct 2005 19:39:17 GMT

Wow! I can’t believe I haven’t written in here for so long. So much has happened. It’s been a crazy week. And you won’t believe how it started on Monday. You know I have chem class in the afternoons. Well, last Monday, Dr. Brown didn’t show up. We later found out it was because his wife just went into labor, but no one told us, so we all just sat in the lecture hall for 15 minutes and left. Actually, I was kind of happy about that because I don’t like chem. I went back to the dorm and decided to do some organizing.

I had a whole bunch of miscellaneous things in boxes in the back of my closet, and I went in there to get some stuff out. You know, there are a lot of bad things I can say about the dorms here at Rollins, but one good thing is they give you plenty of room in the closets, so I was quite comfortable sitting on the closet floor. But the thing is, the door to the closet backs right up against the door to the room, so that to open one you have to close the other.

Well, while I’m in there sorting through shoes, suddenly the room door swings open and shuts the closet door. Not quite all the way, its left open just a crack. And my roommate Pam comes in. But before I can shout and say “Hey, you shut me in the closet,” I realized she was not alone. She was with some guy. Pam locked the door and said, “We’re all alone now.” And the guy said “Don’t you have a roommate?” And Pam said, “She’s in class, she won’t be back for an hour.” Pam knew my schedule of course but she didn’t know that class was canceled.

I don’t know why I didn’t make a sound and let them know I was there, but I didn’t. I guess I was too curious about Pam. I could see through the little crack in the closet door. The guy started kissing Pam and fondling her breasts through her t-shirt. Damn, I thought, this is the girl who told me she was a virgin and would stay one until she got married?

Then I was in for another shock because I suddenly realized who the guy was. It was this boy Brian who is in my religion class. And I know from the comments he’s made in class that he’s a very religious guy who believes in a strict interpretation of the Bible and that only the Christian religion is the right religion. I know Pam is part of a weekly Bible-study group on campus and thinking back on it, I think I remember Brian once saying something about it in class, so I guess that’s how they met.

Anyway, I stayed in the closet and watched with amazement while they sat on Pam’s bed and Brian took off her shirt as they kissed. He fiddled with her bra strap and seemed to have a little trouble. (I had to put my hand over my mouth to keep from laughing aloud.) Then Pam reached back and undid it for him. He started sucking her breasts wildly and Pam started moaning. I confess it was rather exciting for me to witness, like when I saw Pam playing with herself a few weeks ago. But even more hot. I was also afraid of being discovered. Was it too late to jump out of the closet and say, like Frederic in “The Pirates of Penzance,” “Stop… I feel it is my duty to inform you … that your proceedings will not go unwitnessed.” And I figured it was probably too late for that. I figured I’d just stay and watch and sneak out later.

So I stayed and watched them undress and caress each other and get totally naked. Brian had a long cock, but thin. Pam was sucking it but couldn’t take all of it in her mouth. Then the two started fucking and they were moaning a lot. And screaming. I think Pam orgasmed several times. To be honest, it got me quite hot and bothered. And at some point along the line, I realized this was not the first time they had done it. They were far too comfortable with each other. Pam had obviously lied about being a virgin, but why?

I didn’t time it. Was it ten minutes? Fifteen minutes? Twenty minutes? Brian came in her. (And I don’t think he was wearing any protection.) The two collapsed naked on the bed. By that time I was feeling quite uncomfortable because I had been on my knees on the closet floor for a long time. And after witnessing that, I really needed to go to the bathroom to get myself off. I thought maybe now would be a good time to make a break for it.

As quietly as I could, I got up and slowly opened the closet door and tip-toed to the room door. But before I could open it, I heard a shout, “Denise!” Pam had seen me. Caught, I turned around. She grabbed the sheet and wrapped it around her and Brian. Before I could say anything, she said, “This isn’t what it looks like. We weren’t doing anything. We were just napping.” And Brian said, “And we’re not naked.” I looked at their clothes on the floor. Was I supposed to laugh? It was then that I realized they were more embarrassed than I was. I had thought I was the offender for being a “peeping tomina” but to them they were the offenders for violating their religious commitment to no sex before marriage. When I realized I had the upper hand, I thought I could take advantage and I said, “Shame on you two!” But unfortunately I couldn’t say it with a straight face and just started laughing.

And I knew that I just had to get out of there. So without another word, I left. I ran down the hall and decided to get as far away as I could. I went to the library because it’s on the far side of campus.

I sat on one of the comfortable couches behind the third floor stacks for a while, to calm down. It’s pretty private up there—hardly anyone ever goes to that part of the library. Soon I had stopped blushing and calmed down. All that remained was my horniness. So I went into the ladies room and into one of the stalls. I pulled down my jeans and my panties and started rubbing away. Thinking about Pam and Brian playing with each other, I came three times.

Okay, I have to go now. This is a good stopping place. I’ll write the rest of what happened later.

Gay Marriage

Wed, 28 Sep 2005 16:42:13 GMT

The top ten reasons why gay marriage should be banned:

• Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.
• Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
• Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
• Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
• Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britney Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
• Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.
• Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
• Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.
• Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
• Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

Or cell phones or e-mail.

Seven Deadly Sins Survey

Sun, 25 Sep 2005 19:34:43 GMT

Hey, I found this sinful survey on someone else’s LJ and thought I’d try it. And I challenge all my friends to do the same. Especially Robot.

-- WRATH --

1. Who did you last get angry with?: My Mom—just had a fight with her on the phone
2. What is your weapon of choice?: Stealth bomber
3. Would you hit a member of the opposite sex?: Yes
4. How about of the same sex?: Yep
5. Who was the last person who got really angry at you?: Pam
6. What is your pet peeve?: Girls who steal their friends boyfriends
7. Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily?: Keep. I never forget an insult.

-- SLOTH --

1. What is one thing you're supposed to do daily that you haven't done in a while?: Work out
2. What is the latest you've ever woken up?: 3pm
3. Name a person you've been meaning to contact, but haven't: Carrie
4. What is the last lame excuse you made? I can’t study because “American Idol” is on TV.
5. Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through : Never
6. When was the last time you got a good workout in?: Been over a week. :(
7. How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today?: I didn’t set the alarm today because today’s Sunday.

-- GLUTTONY --

1. What is your overpriced beverage of choice?: Dasani
2. Meat eaters: white meat or dark meat?: White
3. What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting/outing/event?: 6 beers
4. Have you ever used a professional diet company?: No
5. Do you have an issue with your weight?: Doesn’t everyone?
6. Do you prefer sweets, salty foods, or spicy foods?: Sweets
7. Have you ever looked at a small pet or child and thought, "LUNCH"?: No

-- LUST --

1. How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies/family)?: A lot
2. How many people have seen YOU naked (not counting physicians/family)?: For the most part, the same.
3. Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a member of your gender of choice during a normal conversation?: Yes. Who hasn’t?
4. Have you "done it"?: (innocently) Done what?
5. What is your favorite body part on a person of your gender of choice? I can only pick one? lol
6. Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute?: No
7. Have you ever had to get tested for an STD or pregnancy?: Yes

-- GREED --

1. How many credit cards do you own?: Three
2. What's your guilty pleasure store?: Victoria’s Secret
3. If you had $1 million, what would you do with it?: Make a movie
4. Would you rather be rich, or famous?: Famous
5. Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks? No
6. Have you ever stolen anything?: Yes
7. How many MP3s are on your hard drive?: Over 100

-- PRIDE --

1. What's the one thing you have done that you're most proud of?: Getting into college.
2. What's the one thing you have done that your parents are most proud of?: For my Dad, getting into college. For my Mom, no fucking idea.
3. What's one thing would you like to accomplish in your life?: Make a movie
4. Do you get annoyed by coming in second place?: No
5. Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors?: No
6. Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score?: Yes
7. What did you do today that you're proud of?: Got up before noon.

-- ENVY --

1. What item of your friends' would you most want to have for your own?: Heather’s beautiful pink earrings
2. Who would you want to go on "Trading Spaces" with?: Heather
3. If you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be?: Kevin Smith
4. Have you ever been cheated on?: Yes
5. Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own?: I wish my boobs were smaller.
6. What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself?: Sometimes I wish I had more optimism.
7. Finally, what is your favorite deadly sin?: Lust

Busy Week

Sat, 24 Sep 2005 19:42:05 GMT

It’s been a busy week and I just haven’t had time to update my journal. Been doing a lot of studying—had my first big test yesterday in English. I think I did okay. I’ll find out next week. I wonder if Dr. Henderson will be correcting all the exams over the weekend so we can have our grades on Monday. I hope so cause I really want to know how I did. But I guess he’s entitled to have a weekend too. I don’t know. Are professors entitled to have weekends?

Thanks to all my new friends—you are all so sweet. I’m enjoying Live Journal. I just wish I had more time to keep up with it.

A lot of you have been asking about my roommate Pam. I can’t figure her out. The other day I started to talk to her about sex and she kind of clammed up and told me she was a virgin. Then she said she intended to stay a virgin until she got married. Then I started talking to her about masturbating and she said she never masturbates. I told her that I thought I heard her doing it the other night and she froze for a second. Then she said that wasn’t true but maybe she was having a nightmare. I told her not to be embarrassed, everyone does it, even me, and then she got really mad at me and said it’s a sin and I’m going to hell. Well, I didn’t like that so I left. When I came back, we never talked about it again.

But Pam is a real mystery to me. I don’t understand why she doesn’t want to have sex. She’s pretty. She could probably get almost any guy she wanted. And obviously she gets horny. And why does she deny it? I know she’s kind of religious because I’ve seen her reading a bible a few times, but I’ve never met anyone before who said they didn’t want to have sex. I wish to God I knew what was going on in that little mind of hers.

Another thing some of you asked about is Dan, the guy in my chem class I fucked last weekend. It was fun then, but he turned into an asshole. The good news is he found my bra—he gave it to me after class on Wednesday. Then he starts saying all these nasty things to me about coming over to my room and putting certain things into certain parts of my body. This is right on campus, with all these people around. He’s acting like just cause we did it once I’m obligated to fuck him any time he wants now for the rest of our lives. I told him to fuck off and he starts calling me a slut and other things. I finally had to threaten to call security before he finally went away.

Damn, why do all the men in my life turn out to be such asshloles? Every single one! Sometimes I think the only man in the world who is good is my Daddy.

Poetry, Party, and Pam

Tue, 20 Sep 2005 19:32:53 GMT

Gosh, it’s been harder than I first thought in trying to keep up this Live Journal. There’s so much going on, but I’ll try to make more of an effort to keep up.

This morning I had my Modern Poetry class. We started a unit on Robert Frost. I like him but I don’t know why they call him “Modern.” He’s dead. So are all these other writers we’re supposed to be studying: Wallace Stevens, William Carlos Williams, Ezra Pound, T. S. Elliot. All dead, dead, dead. I thought modern meant people who are writing today. This school is so far behind the times.

Anyway, last weekend was fun. For the first time since school started I stayed on campus for the whole weekend and got to a whole bunch of parties. The best one was Saturday night. I was with my friends Sandy, Heather, and Carol. By the time we got there, I’d already had 4 or 5 drinks and was feeling gooooood. A whole bunch of us got up on the furniture and started dancing and we took off our shirts. Carol took off her bra and so I did too. Soon everyone was like topless. Some of the frat guys started dancing in their underwear. This one guy named Dan who’s in my chem class was there—I think he’s a member of the fraternity that was giving the party—and I danced with him. I had always thought he was kinda cute, but after 5 drinks he was looking reeeeal niiiiiice. We started making out. Then we went into the kitchen and the real fun began. He started licking my boobs and then I surrendered. He fucked me with my back up against the refrigerator. I think some people came in and saw us, but I’m not sure. I was pretty far gone about then.

Anyway, when the party was over I got my shirt back, but I couldn’t find my bra. Don’t know where that disappeared to. Too bad—I liked that one. It was red and lacy. Oh well, just have to get a new one.

It must have been 4:30 by the time we got back to the dorm. My roommate Pam was fast asleep so I had to get undressed in the dark. Well, certainly not the first time. I fell asleep fast, but about 8 am I was woken by sounds coming from Pam. At first I thought she was having a nightmare (she did once before about two weeks ago) but I soon realized that wasn’t it. You know what she was doing? She was masturbating. Right there in front of me. Well, she much have assumed I was asleep. I didn’t move; I just watched. I couldn’t see much—she was under her blanket except for one leg draped over the side of the bed—but she was moaning and wiggling around quite a bit. Rather turned me on, actually. Pam is pretty good looking. I wondered what—or who—she was thinking about.

I’ve watched people masturbate before, but only once did the person not know I was watching. Made me pretty horny actually. I wanted to start rubbing myself, but I was afraid to move. I didn’t want her to know I was awake.

And she was really going at it. I’d never thought of Pam as that kind of a horny little bitch. I know everyone masturbates and I haven’t known Pam for all that long (just about a month actually) but she had always struck me as a rather reserved and repressed individual. In all our conversations, we’d never talked about sex. I think I’m gonna have to find a way to bring up the topic, now.

Anyway, I’m pretty sure she orgasmed and then she settled down. I closed my eyes in case she looked over this way. I must have stayed still for about a half hour, then I quietly got up and went down the hall to the bathroom. I got in one of the stalls and pleasured myself thinking about what Pam had done. Boy, did she ever make me horny.

Wow! I can’t believe I actually wrote all that. Well, it feels good to be totally honest and frank. But the big question is now that I’ve actually written that, do I have the courage to actually post it? Am I going to push that “update” button…?

My Classes

Thu, 15 Sep 2005 00:50:04 GMT

Well, I’ve been reading Live Journals to try to figure out just what it is that I’m supposed to write about, but there is such a diversity of things to write about. And so many communities on so many different topics. It’s a little overwhelming. I am glad, however, that I’ve already been able to make two nice friends. Thanks, motherphile and jonchiz. You guys are sweet. I was thinking about telling some of my friends here at school about Live Journal and getting them to join, but then I thought if I want to write some secret stuff that I don’t want them to know about, I think its better if this just remains on-line. I have learned from past experiences that its best not to mix cyber friends with real friends.

So anyway, today was a busy day. It’s Wednesday which means I have three classes: World Religion at 9, Am Lit I at 10, and Chem I at 3. I have the same schedule on Monday and Friday too. It sucks. The only good thing is I like Am Lit. Dr. Henderson’s a good teacher. He explains everything well and puts it in historical context. And he’s kinda cute, too. Umm, actually, he’s really cute. I wouldn’t mind doing him. I know I shouldn’t say that about a teacher, but who’s gonna know, right? And he’s not the first teacher I wanted to screw. Maybe someday I’ll tell the story about Mr. Bonajowski in high school, but not today.

World Religion is okay. It would probably be more interesting if it weren’t so damn early in the morning. Today we were talking about Islam and the differences between Sunnis and Shiites. I think I remember watching something about that on TV a month ago.

And Chem I is just boring. It’s all these chemical formulas and shit. I’m so lost in that class. I’ll probably flunk. It probably doesn’t help that I sit next to this girl named Jessica. She’s distracting because she’s so pretty and I keep looking at her instead of at Dr. Spiegel. Today she was wearing this cute pink top with matching miniskirt and I was so jealous. I wish I had pretty clothes like she did. And also blond hair and nice boobs. I wish my boobs were like hers. I’m guessing there probably something like a 36b. I think that’s just perfect. Mine are too big. I’m 38d.

Ha, ha! Did you notice what I just did? I find Chemistry so boring that I ended up changing the subject to talk about boobs. I’m weird that way. My friend Carrie says that I can take any topic and somehow turn the conversation around to sex. Ha, ha! Well, I guess she’s kinda right. I like sex. But then again, who doesn’t.

Anyway, I think I’ve already wasted too much time on this journal tonight. I really need to get some studying done. I’ll write more later.

Introduction

Mon, 12 Sep 2005 20:14:32 GMT

Hi! My name is Denise and this is my first Live Journal entry. I thought to start with, I’d tell you a little something about myself. I’m 19 years old and I’m from DeLand, Florida. However, I go to school at Rollins College in Winter Park, Florida and I live in a dorm on campus. I just started my second year. I would like to go into film, but that is not a major, so I am an English major.

I was born in Atlanta, but I don’t remember it since we moved to DeLand when I was two. I had a brother, Charlie, who was six years older than me, but he died when I was 11. My parents divorced when I was 13 and I lived with my mom. In high school, I was a cheerleader and was in the drama club. My best friend was Carrie. We did everything together. Now she’s going to UCF in Orlando.

I like Rollins, although it’s a lot of work, and I have many friends here. I’m not sure what more to say now, but I’ll be writing more later.